On October 18th, Guo Xiaodong shared a lengthy text that mourned his father and expressed his desire to avoid stories or videos about their loved ones.
The complete writing of Guo Xiaodong is as follows:
Today is a day of heavy weight for me every year.
The pain has persisted and never dissipated, but it has now soaked into my bloodstream, leaving me with no choice.
Until the end of it, it will be with me forever.
You have left me, my sky has shattered… It’s like falling into a vast void. I reach for my arms and tug at everything with my fists, but nothing seems to catch me; I end up hanging upside down. The sensation of being without weightlessness is too overwhelming.
My mother’s kite had a lost and helpless gaze that pulled me towards the ground. I must make an effort to honor her memory and stand up for her.
“The other person has come with you too,” my mother said.
She expressed her dislike for you for not waiting for her. You should have left before her, but your actions made her feel inferior and she should be left behind.
Walking alone is causing her immense loneliness.
“My mother conveyed to me that the other person should live life independently and not cause any issues for their children, regardless of who left first.”
I was heartbroken by the constant chatter my mother used.
You are the one who left me and my brother alone without any issues or trouble during your time in this world.
Despite your unwillingness to part with your mother, you have left us so innocently.
You walked too fast, had a myocardial infarction, and it took me more than ten minutes to recover. Don’t beleaguered. I can’T WAIT to tell you how much the yin and Yang hurt, but even if I try to tear myself together, I cannot do anything about it.
Because you’re here.
Even after watching stories and videos about fathers and sons, I still can’t help but feel a sense of wonderment for the people they are raising. I also have feelings of envy towards children who can care for their parents in public even without facing them in bed.
The ability to kneel and produce milk is possessed by sheep, while crows have the right to feed.
I have thought about taking care of you when you are old and unable to move in bed. I will bring you tea and water, feed you food, help you carry yourself to the bathroom, and behave like a child during your nap.
All of these are mere thoughts. You don’t give me the chance to fulfill my filial piety.”
Despite the wind’s desire for calmness, his son remains faithful and believes in filial piety. The Chinese characters in these books have transformed into violent emotions, stabbing them repeatedly and refusing to flee. I feel like my body needs physical harm more than just physical pain.
Painful to the core!
The forest farm at the west end of the village was weedy when I returned to my hometown in mid-July, and the feeling that it had taken away from me was heartbreaking.
The hillside is adorned with rows of tombstones that are cold and lush, as well as dense weeds in front of them. At the Qingming Festival, my brother and I were blessed with four strong pine and cypress trees carrying heavy branches and full leaves to show us upwards.
Every time I see you, I can’t help but cry for the first time since day one.
I know what you go through, how dreadful, and how exhausting your life is. I understand that you have been without fatherly love since childhood, feeling hopeless at the prospect of having someone protect you in times of difficulty. You yearn for this kind of love, but you are continually let down by disappointments.
Your wish is for my brother and I to move forward and provide you with a comfortable respiration.
From a young age, you taught me that knowledge can change fate. Be prepared to leave the mountains and vacate the land.
Upon receiving my transcript from college, the news of me being assigned to the August 1st Film Studio and dressed as a soldier made you run around in the rain, cry profusely, and then break down in tears. My mother gave me narrating how she let me vent that day while wearing coir raincoat on her lap.
Upon hearing your departure, I experienced many twists and turns while also longing to return to Beijing and meet you at my last moment.
The date of October 18, 2002.
It’s been a while since I last yelled for an extended period, Da Da.